Coley vs. Internal Freaking Out
Sometimes something happens and I internally freak out. My stomach goes into knots and my blood feels likes it’s on fire. If it’s something I think I can prove, gather evidence, or find out more about I usually rush to the Internet and try to figure it out. While I’m typing and searching my heart feels like it’s going 200 beats per minute and I don’t realize at the time but I’m holding my breath.
When I can’t find out what it is my mind goes off into these wild scenarios of whats happening which only makes me feel sicker. This is a constant spiral I go into and I know I should stop it. I know I should have the strength to just walk away from it. But then my head starts telling me about all the scenarios that will happen if I do. Then it reminds me that it’s even worse than I can imagine, at that point I want to just crawl in to a ball and sleep forever.